HEALTHY CHANGES:
4 Steps Towards Overall Health
Step 1:
Understanding Your "Total Health"
Step 2:
Make the Commitment
Step 3:
Assessment & Goals
Step 4:
ACTION TOOL RESOURCE CENTER
Mental/Emotional
Health
Social
Health
Spiritual
Health
Physical
Health
Step 4: RESOURCE TOOL CENTER
Social Health: Building/Improving Relationships
The Lesson Of the Porcupine
If I were asked what is the greatest single lesson that a child can be
taught, my reply would be, “The Lesson of the Porcupine.” For
a great philosopher has taught us that human social life can be compared
with a group of porcupines sleeping on the ground on a wintry night. Should
they roll together to gain warmth, they are apt to hurt one another with
their prickly quills. Should they then toll apart to avoid pain, their loss
of mutual support renders them isolated and exposed to the chill night.
Porcupine comfort and contentment, then, are to be found in their discovery
of the Perfect Distance.
We may define Perfect Distance as a state of separation that achieves warmth without intrusion, and independence without isolation. Transposing this to human experience we may conceive of the comfortable person as one who is warmly independent - when they come near they neither nettle nor smother; when they withdraw they neither neglect nor desert. Their love is without barbs; their self-sufficiency is compassionate and without estrangement. (http://www.uwec.edu/counsel/pubs/porcupine.htm)
“No man is an island,” they say. Research has shown that those who maintain healthy relationships live longer, more satisfying lives. But how do we build these healthy relationships when we live in a decidedly unhealthy world?
- Figure out what “makes you tick.” You can’t learn how to improve your relationships until you understand your own relationship style, and why you do the things you do.
- Learn to communicate effectively. Communication is the key to successful relationships.
- Talk with your spouse, your children, and your significant others. Periodically set aside time when you won’t be interrupted and have an honest discussion about the state of your relationships. Are YOU meeting the needs of the important people in your life? Do they feel heard, and validated? Listen – don’t judge or make excuses. Express your own needs in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational manner.
- Don’t let resentments build. If something troubles you, discuss it before it becomes a serious issue. Encourage your loved ones to do the same.
- Spend quality time with God. Your relationship to the Father, and to his Son is the cornerstone of all your other relationships. If you maintain a close relationship with Him, he will teach you, and will use your relationships to make you the person He meant you to be.
- If you can’t improve your relationship or don’t know how, accept that you don’t know how. Seek professional help.
- Pray unceasingly. Let’s face it – we live in a world that isn’t conducive to healthy, happy relating. We need God’s grace to truly be successful.
Fighting Fairly
A major stumbling block in any relationship is settling disagreements, which
often reduce to emotional shouting matches rather than caring problem solving.
Basic ground rules for effectively facing conflict in a relationship include:
- Maintain a spirit of good will - remember: you care about this person.
- Avoid attacking one another - discuss behavior, not personalities.
- Share your feelings - explore and discuss them.
- Focus on the present - past disappointments cannot be changed. Concentrate on here and now.
Read More:
Building
Healthy Relationships: Univ. of Wisconsin
Social
Assessment Quiz: About.com
How
to Create Truly Supportive Friendships: About.com
Healthy
Relationships: Northwestern University
Communication
in Relationships: LifeTips.com
INSPIRATION CORNER